Speed dating is a relatively new concept to dating. The idea is
that you go along to a venue that has 5-30 people of each sex,
and you have a limited amount of time to talk to each person of
the opposite sex. You have to make a snap decision as to whether
you would want to see that person again, and you fill your
intentions in on a form that you carry with you. Either at the
end of the night or after the event is over, anybody you want to
see again and who wants to see you again (a "mutual match") will
be given the contact details of the other person, and it is then
up to the two of you to arrange something else. Here are my
suggestions:
When you go to a speed dating event, try and dress smartly, but
don't go overboard. Shirt and tie or a nice smart dress or
two-piece should do.
Chances are, you will be very nervous! Many speed dating
organisations help you with this by taking your money off you
before you attend, so that if you don't attend the session, you
have wasted your money! Seriously, although you will be nervous
to begin with, you will settle down after the first few "dates."
I was probably the worst bag of nerves imaginable before my
first time!
Realise that you don't have to "succeed." There are different
definitions to success. The more experience you get, the better
success rate in terms of getting partners you will have in the
future as you find out what works and what doesn't. If you fail
to generate any interest, it doesn't matter; just think about
how the night went, and try to visualise how you may have come
across. You have become more experienced, which in itself is a
success.
Try to ask interesting questions. Do you really need to know
what they do for a living at this stage? Chances are, if you ask
that question, either they are not excited about their work at
all, and that will dampen your own enthusiasm, or they will
start to rattle off on how good their job is, leaving your eyes
glazing over! For example, a girl who I speed dated once asked
"Elephants or monkeys?" It was a very unusual question, and that
girl has stuck in my mind, whereas the others have tailed off.
Make sure you are aware of your body language and the other
person's, and try to flirt! A few minutes is not normally long
enough before you can comfortably touch somebody other than with
a handshake or kiss on the cheek, but as time is so short, you
may want to try that. I will be writing a future article about
the power of touch while dating, so look out for it!
One of the most important points I've found is that as you only
have a short amount of time with each person, if you get on
really well with somebody in those first few minutes, try to
talk to them again during breaks, and after the speed dating is
over. Maybe your date ticked the "No" box on the form? Remember,
you don't have to have ticked yes on the form to exchange
telephone numbers; you can both choose to do it on the night!
If you are fairly new at the game and certain people appear to
be more successful than you, observe them! Watch and listen to
how they interact with the other people. These people are likely
just more confident than you are, and this is where speed dating
increases your confidence, because you can see what they are
doing that works.
If you're not particularly good at small talk, a little alcohol
may help to loosen your tongue, but don't go overboard! Some
dutch courage is a good thing, but you won't come across as very
attractive if you start slurring your speech!
Also, if somebody tells you they've been before and had 15
matches out of 20, you don't have to believe them! It's very
easy for people to lie or exaggerate. Don't let people telling
you this story put you down!
Finally, you need to be aware that the lying thing may even go
as far as somebody attending the night when they already have a
boyfriend or girlfriend, or even husband or wife. Some people go
along to have fun; some people may even have more sinister
motives. Be wary, and be aware, especially if you're a girl.
I'll just briefly talk about my own experience with speed
dating. I had been out of the dating game for some time after a
previous relationship. I have been to three nights of speed
dating, and in each case there were twenty girls that I got the
opportunity to chat to. I got no matches in the first session,
one in the second, and one in the third; even though I did go
out on dates with them, these people were not right for me. I
had lots of fun, though, and most importantly I developed my
confidence! Remember, confidence comes from doing.
About the author:
David Thomas is a web publisher with a wide range of interests,
including psychology and dating. He publishes articles like this
at http://Flirt-Coach.net which you can view for free, and you
can add your own comments, giving further advice and turning it
into your web site. It's a great place to learn!
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