A few years ago, when I still believed in dating, I went on date
with a woman I'd managed to create initial attraction with. I
didn't recognize the signals at the time, but I'd been acting in
a naughty/funny way around her and she was attracted to me.
Eventually I decided to ask her for her number (another mistake
but she was so attracted it didn't matter), and she agreed to go
out.
When she showed up at my door, she looked great, and I thought I
was in for a good time (by dating standards). But, I relapsed
into the "nice guy/wuss" and she didn't get the man she thought
she was getting. Needless to say it ended with a peck on the
cheek and unreturned phone calls. There was however, something
very interesting that came out of that experience, something
that taught me a valuable dating lesson, and that I was better
off not seeing her.
You see, during the dinner conversation (yeah, I took her to
dinner--I was pretty dumb back then) we got to talking about
dating and different people we knew. How she described each
person was incredibly revealing--they were either "out of her
league" or she was "out of their league." She had a personal
caste system and put herself squarely in the middle--the sign of
a mediocre self image.
Since she was there with me, she obviously put me "in the same
league as her," which, was, squarely in the middle. Now since I
don't view the world in terms of "leagues" (I view it in terms
of outcomes), if we'd gone out longer, our viewpoints would have
collided. Viewing the world in terms of leagues is not a good
way to go. People who think this way are concerned with what
other people think of them, and how others perform relative to
them instead of being concerned with their own personal goals
and outcomes. They often become the best of the worst, letting
other people's standards and beliefs control what they get out
of life. This is not only true in dating, but in all sorts of
aspects of life.
A lot of guys instinctively do this when it comes to dating, or
as I teach what they should be doing, attracting women. They
say, "She's out of my league," diminishing their own self image,
instead of saying, "I know how to create attraction, perhaps
I'll allow her to experience with me what she cannot with other
men."
This is outcome oriented thinking, the result of a strong self
image backed up by results from taking action with good
information, i.e. competence. There's not even a thought of
"leagues" or "levels" or any other such limiting factors. All
there are is results, with the belief that results can be
achieved simply by mastering a skill. Now, isn't that much more
fun adn liberating than thinking in terms of dating, and this
silly business about "leagues"?
This is the belief all successful people have, no matter what
area they choose to succeed in, not just dating. If you find
yourself thinking in terms of leagues or levels, you should
replace that with results oriented thinking. You will
immediately begin to get more results, and your self image will
immediately strengthen because you don't give a flip what others
think about you.
About the author:
About the Author: John Alanis, "The King of Let 'em Come to
You", is author of the "Women Approach You" system at
http://www.womenapproachyou.com. His blog is at
http://www.johnalanis.com
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