|Gay dating... funny, a couple of years ago it would have been hard to discuss a topic like this. But not anymore! Gay dating is a fact of life and if this is what you want, then go for it! But before you do, let's discuss a few basic points to help you get started to finding Mr. Right. |
With the onset of AIDS in the early 80's, the gay dating landscape has undergone a 360 degree turn. Whereas bars were the hub of gay life from the early years of Gay Liberation to the 80's, we now seek other venues for meeting potential partners. Before, during the golden years of Gay Liberation, being gay meant bar-hopping, cruising and immediate sex. The central theme of homosexuality was immediate, carpe diem sex. However, deeper and more profound ways of relating emerged alongside the AIDS virus scare. Gradually, gay men sought dating, courtship and more intimate, long-term relationships.
Though gay relationships, by their nature, had more sexual undertones, they are no less in need of commitment, security and fidelity than those in heterosexual relationships. The process of getting to know a gay partner is also no slower or faster; it takes the same investment in time and effort. Once you have made that steadfast resolution to take the gay dating exercise seriously, take note of the following tips of making this activity more fun, fulfilling and goal-oriented.
Be selective. The idea behind dating is exploring the possibility that you and this person may be romantically involved in the future. As much as you would want to date as many gay men as possible, limit your encounters to three to five per month. Being selective permits you to exercise patience, perseverance and control in the dating process. Do not be in a hurry to find Mr. Right. It takes time, effort, and several dating occasions to know the deeper side of your potential mate. Investing a little time in searching for THE one is a small price to pay right?
Do not distract... attract! Tonight's the night! You're going out on a date. Whether homosexual or not, the dating basics still apply. These include being prepared - both physically and mentally - for the event. Dress up appropriately and project an image worth respecting.
Talk, but don't talk your head off. The basic talking and listening skills likewise apply. Avoid talking about negative, tragic or miserable past experiences during the early dating stages. NOBODY wants to date a whiner. And listen with true interest. If you really like your date, listening attentively tells him you are interested which in turn makes YOU a likely long-term relationship candidate for him. Also, avoid talking about your stigma on being gay. Hello? This is not news to him. The last thing you want to discuss with him, especially on a first date, is how difficult gay dating and gay relationships can be. Talk about worthwhile topics such as common interests, values and prevailing motivators. Try to sustain interest and enthusiasm in each other for the first few encounters.
Bring your wallet. Even if he was the one to invite you out, be prepared. If you guys are trying out a new restaurant, it's always better to have extra cash for any 'surprises'. Also, you don't know how the night will turn out. You can end up leaving him or him leaving you, so ensure that you can always get back home with or without him.
Bring a gift. If you're having a dinner date at his place, bring a bottle of wine, a book he casually mentioned that he liked and has been looking for, food to compliment what you'll be eating or anything that would make him feel that the dinner date is appreciated. But don't be extravagant! If this is a first date, you don't really know him yet and he might get offended. Bring a simple and 'non-commital' gift as well. I mean silk ties might make him want jump out the window. The thing to keep in mind here is a little thoughtful something...
To ask or not to ask. Ok, you REALLY like him, but does he feel the same way about you? Of course you can ask him out or casually ask about his plans for next weekend but don't push. But if you're sure he likes you back and want to lead this time, by all means, ask him out!
Delay gratification - that is, sexual gratification. The question really here is... do you like this guy FOR NOW or FOREVER. If you're looking for your lifetime partner, chances are, it would be better to delay having sex. The rule of thumb is no sex for the first three dates. Ouch! But do consider this
Bring a condom. Ok, I'm NOT contradicting myself; it IS always best to wait. But when the waiting is done and you guys are now sure you want to take the relationship to a higher level, do practice safe sex after your hot date!
Happy dating, guys!
About the Author
Martin Pearce writes for Gay Dating 247.com - If you are Gay and looking for love then this is the site for you. Articles, Reviews and Links to the best Gay sites on the Internet and the DrDating Forum - a forum for people looking for help in love, relationships and dating.