|K. Cedric Patterson is the author of the top seller, The Complete
Guide To Dating
Dating and Sex
Dating in today's world has changed dramatically in the last
half century. The subject of sex, and even the act itself, has
become more recognized as an acceptable part of a date in
In the 1950's and early 1960's the subject of sex was rarely
discussed or considered in such an open manner, on a date, as it
is today. This is not to say that sex, or the subject of sex,
has never made an 'appearance' on a date. On the contrary, sex,
on many occasions, has indeed 'inserted' itself into a date. The
difference between then and now is that those occurrences were
the exception, rather than the rule.
For the broad majority of daters in those times, the subject of
sex was kept in the background. Sex was the unspoken of
'elephant' in the room. As one might expect, in a situation
where two healthy young members of the opposite sex are sharing
close quarters, there was always an undercurrent of sexual
electricity in the air. It just was not openly, or crassly,
acknowledged by the dating couple.
Most of the dates back then, followed along similar lines.
During a date, a guy could make suggestive jokes and/or
comments, and sometimes, playfully hug and grab the girl, but he
knew where to draw the line - and had enough class not to cross
it. A girl flirted and looked knowingly at her date, and
depending on the circumstances, might allow a certain degree of
superficial physical contact. Still, she wouldn't go so far as
to put herself into a compromising situation that she couldn't
get out of.
Most dates culminated in a 'good night kiss'. Some went
further, and included 'heavy petting', which included tongue
kissing, fondling, etc. - but no 'skin' came out into the open.
Finally, a smaller group included those who went 'all the way';
but as previously mentioned, this group was the exception,
rather than the rule. It was rare that a dating couple would
have sex during the early stages of 'courtship'.
While there is no question that sex was always in the
background of a date, the daters had enough self-restraint, or,
self-respect, to prevent it from coming to the fore.
In today's world of dating, sex has taken a much more prominent
role. On most dates, sex is openly discussed and talked about by
both daters. There's little embarrassment in answering questions
about one's past sexual experience, one's likes or dislikes, or
even one's level of sexual expertise. Questions of this nature
are neither embarrassing to the participants, nor, thought of to
be intruding upon one's personal and private business.
In fact, if the subject of sex isn't brought up, the dater is
often thought of as boring or inexperienced, rather than
respectful of one's privacy.
Even more disturbing is the number of first time daters that
engage in sex after knowing one another for mere hours. Many
guys come right out and ask their date if they have ever had a
'one night stand', and/or if they would be interested in having
a 'one night stand'. Few girls are insulted by this line of
questioning, and answer as if they were at a job interview.
Worse still, some girls consider the request, and some even
agree to it.
When it comes to sex, it seems as though the thought process of
some of these young women has become slightly warped. Point in
fact, an increasing number of young women today insist that a
certain type of sex, which I will not describe here, is not, in
fact, sex. They say sex only occurs when two people lay together
and have sexual intercourse. They say that any other sex act
isn't a sex act at all, and such acts are no worse than kissing.
With this type of thinking, it's plain to see how easy it is for
unscrupulous males to exploit these naive and ill-informed
The level of self-respect and self-control, in many of today's
dating couples, seems to have declined in direct ratio to the
increase of their unabashed and unbridled lust.
It would be wise, for the daters of today, to keep in mind that
while it cannot be denied that having sex is a pleasurable
experience, it can also be a costly one. The act of sex carries
consequences and responsibilities that are frequently
underestimated, and often overlooked.
Pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, family crisis, and a
loss of standing in one's community are just some of the
consequences of an 'uncontrolled libido'. Sexual choices made by
daters must be fashioned with foresight, self-control, and a
willingness to accept responsibility for one's actions.
When dating couples are able to exert a degree of control over
their sexual desires, they will be more likely to have
enjoyable, rewarding, and respectful relationships with one
About the author:
K. Cedric Patterson is the author of the top seller, The Complete
Guide To Dating
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