|Dating can be a nerve-wracking experience for many people. After
all, you could be meeting your future spouse. It can also be a
very vulnerable experience. The whole point of dating (usually)
is to get to know someone else on an intimate level, or at least
beginning this process. For whatever reason, and there are many,
most people want to make a good first impression.
At the very least, most people want to avoid rejection. Dating
is a prime opportunity for this by its very nature. Whether
you're looking for a fun night out or a long term development,
rejection can occur either way, and it can be difficult to deal
with. Self-doubt can come in many forms, from questioning one's
intelligence to one's looks to one's ability to tell a good
joke. Dating puts it all out there.
How can you increase your confidence when it comes to dating?
There are a few things you can do, and certain methods are more
appropriate for some people than others.
First Things First A date is just a date. It is not the rest of
your life. Yes, you may meet your future spouse, but this is far
beyond the scope of the date. At this point, no matter how
desperate you may be feeling to finally settle down, focus only
on the date. Putting more pressure on it makes it harder for
both of you.
The other person is likely to sense your "desperation" (for
lack of a better word), and you end up putting way to much
pressure on yourself. Instead, try focusing on the date itself,
not where it may or may not lead. Enjoy the time together, or,
if you don't, try to avoid blaming yourself and going into the
litany of self-talk that tries to convince you that you're not
worth dating, you'll never find someone, and that you'll be
single for the rest of your life.
Be Yourself Yes, you've heard it many times before, and there's
a reason for it. If you do hit it off with the other person,
it's best if this happens when you're being true to yourself. If
you're "faking" it, you're then faced with coming forward and
facing humiliation, rejection, or both, or continuing the
facade. This takes a lot of effort, it's dishonest, and you
can't keep it up for very long anyway. So whatever your faults,
try not to hide them too much. This doesn't mean that you put
them all out on the table on the first date, but it also means
that you don't go to extreme measures trying to hide them or
pretending to be something or someone you're not.
Get Out of Yourself To help deal with your insecurities about
yourself, try focusing on the other person. Show a genuine
interest in what he or she has to say. Be honest and courteous
in your responses. Let the other person have the spotlight. Not
only does this help keep you from focusing on your insecurities,
it also helps accomplish what dates are meant to do--get to know
someone else better. Ask questions, listen to the answers, and
ask more. Talk about common interests when you find them. Above
all, try to avoid talking about yourself the whole time or
worrying too much about how you look, what you're saying, and
what type of impression you're making.
Try Something Different If the idea of sitting through a quiet
dinner with someone you barely know makes you break out into a
sweat, consider dating activities that involve a bit more
involvement. Take a tour through a garden, go rollerblading, or
do some other activity that keeps you moving. If you have
something to do, you can focus less on feeling awkward and more
on the conversation. It helps keep the atmosphere lighter as
well, which can make you both feel more comfortable and
About the author:
Tony Robinson spent many years as a School Teacher and
Administrator. Always of concern was low self esteem and a lack
of confidence with some students. For more information visit
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