In the dating game, what can ruin your chances is fear. Don't be fooled, your date can smell it a mile away. There's no disguising it and what it shows is anything but attractive. Rejection follows swiftly. Fear and rejection go together as rejection is responsible for the fear that causes it.
Fear of rejection can be worse than it seems. It shows in your actions and words, creating a negative impression. One can unintentionally give the impression of being too aggressive, in an attempt to disguise the fear of rejection.
All of us need to be loved, appear attractive, be popular and succeed in everything. But an inner voice tells us that we are doomed to fail. There may or may not be any logic for why the one we want to impress will not respond. Here the fear of rejection is so strong that irrespective of how hard we try, the fear itself ensures rejection.
The basic problem is a lack of confidence. Confidence creates the ability to be interesting as well as to be interested. Smiles, jokes, fun and light moments come naturally. This helps the person in your company form a favorable opinion of your character. If you succeed in getting a laugh, you're on the right track. But if you are in fear, there will be disaster.
As dating is a game of numbers, sooner or later, a yes will be forthcoming. But it is possible that your entire approach may be all-wrong. It may be the wrong type you're targeting, or pick-up lines that you are using. Don't get the wrong idea when the person appears friendly. Fear of rejection for any passes one makes, may have basis for it. Misleading flirtatious signs are termed proteans, after the Greek river God Proteus, known for changing forms to elude pursuers.
Usually men take the proteans as all-clear signals to make their move. Women on the other hand are merely making an assessment of a potentially suitable partner. On a first date, you could be at the receiving end of a volley of confusing protean signals. The confusion helps women get the advantage by making a judgment on a man in a short time. Usually the man ends up confused and consequently rejected.
It is a proven fact that women find it offensive to be ignored and are more likely to be initially attracted to a man when he doesn't immediately start fawning all over her. The protean link here is irrefutable. A woman may be assessing a man as a potential partner without any reciprocation from him. Instead of fear if the man appears disinterested, the woman is likely to be confused and become more interested. These are the rules of courtship as a game.
Dating fear needs to be overcome lest it come at the cost of a potential partner. There is an undeniable link to self-perception of looks and abilities. By boosting self-confidence and using a proper approach towards appropriate women, there are better chances of success in making the first move. Ironically enough when you are aware of confusing signals you are able to view rejection as being an inseparable part of the dating game instead of a tragedy. Thus, the idea is to enjoy and have no fear.
About the Author
Celina Richards is a counselor and dating coach in private practice since 1995. She offers dating-relationship coaching, singles group coaching and ongoing coaching for singles & unmarried couples. She started writing articles to help singles with the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain lasting relationships.
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